Why is it so hard to be social?

I’ve always knew I’ve found interacting with other people really difficult. But I’ve been taking more on-campus classes this past couple quarters and I realized that I really have trouble talking to people.

So if you see someone in your class not saying anything to the point of being rude and basically sucking at group work, please don’t blame them because they could just be horribly bad at interacting with other people.

Sometimes I wonder how I am going to survive in the work world but I feel like I do OK at work right now? And I work in retail at the front counter… so I basically see people and talk to people all the time.

I was just thinking about this because I had some group work during class today. We had made plans to meet about 30 minutes before class started but one of my group mates sent out an e-mail asking if we wanted to meet earlier. I pretended not to see the e-mail though because she hadn’t really asked so I thought it wasn’t that urgent. But I get there 30 minutes before class and I realize that my group had already completed the majority of the work and I basically did nothing.

I could have volunteered to present but I didn’t. I didn’t do anything. All because of my fear? hate? anxiety? at talking to people. It’s not really any one of those but maybe a mixture of all of them?

I suppose I’ll just have to keep trying better. Thankfully this was informal group work and I’ll have more opportunities to do better but I probably didn’t make a good impression on the two people I worked with.

I remember when I first got accepted to the program I was contemplating about whether I should accept the residential program or the online program. I was really torn up about my decision (because I felt like the residential program felt more “official”) but now I’m really glad I chose the online program.

I really, really hate talking to people. Unless they’re my sister. I even have trouble talking to my friends. I always say I want to meet other bloggers, which I do, but I probably wouldn’t know what to do if I actually met anyone. Is there something wrong with me? I never really cared before now because being “un-social” didn’t really affect me in any way and I don’t really need too many friends.

But do I need to change? Is there a way to get more comfortable around other people? I wish someone would tell me an easy answer but I suppose easy answers don’t exist.

If they did, I probably wouldn’t be struggling so much.

Anyways! Yeah. A kind of more casual post than I’ve been writing recently but I needed to get this out of my brain.

In other news, I recently started a new adult romance novel and the book basically had rave reviews. I also read the author’s previous books before and really enjoyed them, so went into the book with high expectations. But the book had three things I hated:

  1. Insta-love
  2. Over the top cheesy romance scenes that just wouldn’t happen unless you lived in a K-drama
  3. Student/Teacher relationship

And when I say insta-love. I really mean insta-love. Like see each other and feel an immediate “connection” and fall in love with each other the moment they set eyes on each other and declare love declarations the first date they have. Yuck. No thanks.

I’ve been wanting to read a romance novel though because I’ve only read two this year. Maybe the next one will be better.

Thanks for reading!