Saying vs Doing

Super short disclaimer: This is is my own personal approach. Something that works for me personally, might not work the same way for everyone else.

These days I’ve been trying to be more positive and that includes voicing less complaints. One thing I realized about myself is that complaining out loud will do nothing to change anything. I also try to consider whether or not I can change a situation before I voice a complaint or not. An example of this might include –

“It’s so cold outside” after standing outside with my sister.

Versus something I could possibly change –

“It’s so cold” after standing inside the store I work where the fans are running.

I realized that even if I complain, complaining doesn’t make anything better. It doesn’t even make me feel better. And after realizing this about myself, I also realized that genuinely voicing compliments does make me feel better, especially if that person genuinely likes the compliment. Another realization is that being and acting more positive is like a happy drug. I feel better about myself and less stressed out about situations I can’t control.

This includes the situation with my dad, which I’ve talked about on my blog before. I now know that simple words aren’t going to change the situation with my dad. He’s stubborn, he enjoys alcoholic drinks far too much and he’s entirely too angry all the time for his and others own good. But will fighting with him do anything? Will complaining about my situation do anything to solve the problem? No it won’t.

However, I do think there is a distinct difference between complaining vs ranting vs venting. I don’t think it’s a good idea to hold back all your negative feelings to yourself. If you need someone to talk to, you should! That isn’t complaining – that’s reaching out to someone for help.

What I can do is focus on what I have to be thankful for. I have an absolutely awesome sister. Not many siblings have the same relationship with their sister I do with mine. My sister is not only related to me by blood but she’s also my best friend. She’s basically my other half. We say this to each other sometimes but I feel like we were given to each other for a reason. There is no way that I would have survived to adulthood with my sister.

I sometimes feel frustrated trying to describe my relationship with my sister because I feel like I can’t explain how grateful that I am to have someone like her in my life.

But I don’t want to become even quieter than I already am. I want to put actions where my words can’t. Another realization (on top of all the other realizations I’ve made) is that sometimes you can be extremely quiet with words like I am, but that doesn’t mean that not speaking makes you a quiet person.

You can be loud without saying anything.

Thanks for reading!

Wants to become a better reader and writer. Currently studying library and information science. Currently doing the 100 Books for 2017 challenge.

6 Comments

  • Nancy says:

    I think it is good to realize that you’re better off reflecting on the good (compliments) than complaining. I faced this situation many times before – there’s too much stress involved with complaining @__@. Nothing will get solved that way. My old boss always told me if I ever wanted someone to do something for me, I should compliment them before asking them. She has a point because I know if someone complained to me and tell me to do something, I would probably be less reluctant to do so…

    Good to hear that you’re going to try to focus on being thankful! Thankfulness goes a long way :). I’m glad that you have a strong relationship with your sister. My boyfriend always tells me that actions speak louder than words.

  • Gom says:

    I agree :) I used to complain a lot and I realized it did nothing for me (except mull over negative thoughts over and over). It just feels less burdening to act on the complaint rather than voicing it because usually in my case, the complaints are trivial compared to the bigger picture. Anyways, I hope looking at situations in a positive light works for you as it has for me :) I love giving compliments too!

  • Chynna says:

    I have just been realising that complaining does nothing and being poisitive does everything! A lot of people at my work place are super negative, and it rubs off and puts my mood down!

    I’m so glad that you have an amazing relationship with your sister. I wish more siblings were close, because when shit gets tough at least you know you’ve got that person by your side because they’re going through it too. I’m lucky to also have a good connection with my lil sister (not so lil anymore, she’s going to be 18) – we’ve deffo gone through some trials and tribulations.

  • Cat says:

    I totally agree that there’s a difference between complaining and ranting/venting. Sometimes it’s better not to hold back negative feelings so ranting/venting can help, but complaints are often not constructive. I’m trying to take the same approach of not complaining as much because like you said, it doesn’t really help me nor do people really want to hear it either. It’s amazing how taking a more positive approach can make a difference!

    I’m also glad that you have such a close relationship with your sister! I feel the same way with my brother. We don’t live near each other anymore, but we’ve always been close and can count on each other. It’s great to have that kind of support in our lives :)

  • Tara says:

    Like Cat says, there is a difference between complaining and venting/ranting. I think it’s okay to rant and vent every once in a while, because it really helps. I do admit to complaining offline, but I try not to do it too much. Sort of. I will always complain it’s hot because I really don’t handle heat well.

    Also, do keep in mind that sometimes what some people say (me included) is an observation rather than a complaint. I said that a ringtoss game looked too hard for the younger kids, because that was our target audience, and I was told, “You can’t go through life always being so negative”. That still stung me because I was just voicing an observation, in a very neutral tone. So, yeah, sometimes my “complaints” are just merely observations.

    I am glad you have your sister. You guys are close and so supportive of each other. I don’t have any siblings, and reading your posts sometimes make me wish I did have one.

    • Rezina says:

      Thanks for the input Tara! And yes I totally agree – that’s why I made sure to write about the difference in the post. I hope I didn’t offend you!

      I also thought of this as well. It’s why I made sure to include the short disclaimer at the top :) This is my own personal approach to complaints because it works for me. I wasn’t at all trying to say that this applies to everyone generally! Everyone’s approach to life is different and that’s beautiful!

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